Wednesday, 8 June 2011

How I found my parenting path.

Up until Zane was 5 months old I didn't feel like I was on this planet. I had quite a traumatic birth and it still affects me now, 18 months later. I bumbled along not understanding anything, it was like my brain was mashed potato, using the sterilizer was like rocket science to me.

We tried to take the routine approach which the SCBU at the hospital had had him on for the time that he was in there, which worked for a bit but then it stopped working, he wanted different things at different times so I looked into something different. I had always liked watching The Baby Whisperer on TV, and I had one of her books so I dug it out and had a read. In it was one of the best things that I have read about baby care. Tracey Hogg had identified what each cry meant, and so you could respond to the baby appropriately. We started this and Zane's cries seemed to match what the book said so it was so much easier to care for him so we started the EASY routine. Only I realised after a week or so that  Zane's own natural routine didn't spell EASY, and actually we were being baby led without realising and he was happy, I had less of a fog in my head, and it wasn't because I was following the Baby Whisperer, it was because I was following Zane.

So we continued, when he was tired, we let him sleep, when he was hungry we fed him, he had his own pattern so it was easy to follow. I had a lot of comments from people about letting the baby rule the roost, and making a rod for my own back which bothered me because we were happy, but it seemed we were going against the grain. I needed some back up so I did some research, and found some wonderful information about being baby led, and gentle parenting, I finally felt comfortable with our choice and have stuck with it, we have a bright, intelligent, independant and inquisitive boy, and I have good posture from my rod!

Here is a poem which I have found along the way which summarises how I feel about raising the gift that is our son.

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

I hope it touches you as much as it did me.


  1. Such a lovely sentiment, thanks for sharing - I think giving children a positive outlook and confidence is one of the best things we can do, as parents.

  2. I have been trying to find that poem for some time,Thanks for finding it and posting it.

  3. Thank you very much for your comments, I glad you liked my post. I am hoping to share some of my other bookmarks along a similar theme soon, as well as new things that inspire me.