My Book List

I love reading, but I don't seem to find the time anymore. The problem is once I get my nose in a good book I cant stop reading it and have to read the whole book in one go, and as a full time working mother I don't get time for 5 hours straight to be able to read.

I would love to find some books which I can read a chapter or two on my lunch at work or before Gary and Zane wake up. I think fiction is out of the question as once I get started I cant put the book down, so I have been looking up some "parenting" books which I think I would be interested in. We parent by using our instincts so no books required, but I realise now that the baby phase was so easy compared to the toddlerdom, so it would be good to have some back up when I am wondering how the hell to deal with something which my head and heart are split on. Oh how I was looking forward to Zane being able to crawl and then walk, we so didn't appreciate the time that he was still and didn't move very far!

Some of the books which I am going to source are

The Science Of Parenting - Margot Sunderland

Unconditional Parenting - Alfie Kohn

Three In a Bed - Deborah Jackson

Letting Go as Children Grow - Deborah Jackson

Why Love Matters - Dr. Sue Gerdhart

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves - Naomi Aldort

What Mothers Do - Naomi Stadlen

Hidden Messages - Elizabeth Pantley

How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk - Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlis

Respectful parents, respectful kids - Dirk Bernard

Learning all the Time - John Holt

Playful Parenting- Lawrence Cohen

Attachment Parenting - Kate Allison Granju

Ok, so that turned out to be quite a large list for someone who had to renew Raising Boys 10 times until the library said NO MORE!

As I said previously, we follow our instincts but I am interested in Psychology, and Behaviourism, so it is great to stretch my brain. Plus a smug part of me also likes to explain the scientific reason why Zane is doing that "naughty" thing over and over again, and to see the look on the persons face after I have said it. Yes, I am a smug parent, and very proud that I understand how my son's mind works as he is growing up.

I am most looking forward to reading The Science of Parenting as it is based on scientific fact, rather than someones opinion, it also agrees with my instinct that a child's needs should be centre stage as the childhood experiences shape the brain and patterns for later on in life.

Two others that I am looking forward to reading are Why Love Matters, and How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk. I am looking forward to Why Love Matters because this blog is a personal journey for me as a therapy for PTSD, and part of my treatment with my councillor is looking at the stage that my childhood contributed to my adult anxiety and depression. I am hoping that the book will teach me about the importance of attachment so that I can explain to people why we are so close to Zane in better words than I already do, and also see how my early attachments have affected me. I have read that it can be quite an emotional read so I'm not sure about reading so soon in my therapy process.

I am looking forward to reading How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk because I think this is going to be very useful from now. Zane doesn't "tantrum" (I hate that word!) but I would like to know more about empathising with how he is feeling when he is upset, and I think that it will also be very useful when he is growing up and will help us have a respectful relationship.

So after doing all of this reading my bank balance will be smaller, but my knowledge will be greater so it will be worth it. I want to share some insightful passages on here as I find them, I would love to hear what other people have thought about these books, and also other books that they would recommend. I think it is clear to see from our book list that we practice gentle parenting so no Gina Ford or Supernanny please! :-)

How I found my parenting path.

Up until Zane was 5 months old I didn't feel like I was on this planet. I had quite a traumatic birth and it still affects me now, 18 months later. I bumbled along not understanding anything, it was like my brain was mashed potato, using the sterilizer was like rocket science to me.

We tried to take the routine approach which the SCBU at the hospital had had him on for the time that he was in there, which worked for a bit but then it stopped working, he wanted different things at different times so I looked into something different. I had always liked watching The Baby Whisperer on TV, and I had one of her books so I dug it out and had a read. In it was one of the best things that I have read about baby care. Tracey Hogg had identified what each cry meant, and so you could respond to the baby appropriately. We started this and Zane's cries seemed to match what the book said so it was so much easier to care for him so we started the EASY routine. Only I realised after a week or so that  Zane's own natural routine didn't spell EASY, and actually we were being baby led without realising and he was happy, I had less of a fog in my head, and it wasn't because I was following the Baby Whisperer, it was because I was following Zane.

So we continued, when he was tired, we let him sleep, when he was hungry we fed him, he had his own pattern so it was easy to follow. I had a lot of comments from people about letting the baby rule the roost, and making a rod for my own back which bothered me because we were happy, but it seemed we were going against the grain. I needed some back up so I did some research, and found some wonderful information about being baby led, and gentle parenting, I finally felt comfortable with our choice and have stuck with it, we have a bright, intelligent, independant and inquisitive boy, and I have good posture from my rod!

Here is a poem which I have found along the way which summarises how I feel about raising the gift that is our son.

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

I hope it touches you as much as it did me.